*SAM*

11:58PM

JOE- I really need to know something and I would like really appreciate it if you just unblocked me for a second. If you think I'm just trying to talk to you, your wrong. I have no other way of communication with you, so I need you to just read this and unblock me. Its not gonna kill you to let me ask you a question real quick and then you answer it and its done, no more talking to me. Really, you can handle it. So stop being so stubborn and just do it please! Its not about "us" at all, not even close. I just heard something and wondered if it was true. And, I would ask you in here but I don't know if you would be mad that I said something if its true. Please!

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2:23PM

JOSEPH JAMES GERLING! i need to kinda talk to you real quick. i dont understand why its such a big deal for you to talk to me for about one whole minute. it wont take long and i just need to ask a question and let you know something i heard. i wouldnt keep tryin to talk to you if i didnt actually need to. so unblock me for a minute or so please!

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7:14PM

I HAVE ANOTHER JOURNAL! IT IS NOT_A_SLUT!!!!!!!!!

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6:45AM - SCHOOL SUCKS

This Journal Is Now Closed

I have taken this journal since it was my lj code as it is, I made it for her so if she wants to talk shit and say im a "fag" she can do it somewhere eles. The bitch thinks she can do all this shit but she cant, alot of people think shes a nut case as it is. Its also not my fault she likes to have primicisous sex with other people, and she threathins me by telling people, sorry Sam but people came up to me and asked me about it cause they thought we were still together which was odd.

So your bad for being a one stand day kinda chick, it's done and over with and you can start all over with and in all reality id start being nice to Amber and shit before I'd even give you a second of my time. I know you think your going to get me back your wrong, I know you and Amber will try to come up with something, but if not then only you will make some sad attempt to do so and only the certain people that you guys talk to will even give it a chance to believe it.

So now Sam, we can stay out of eachothers lives, you can fuck whoever you want to next and everything will be great.

Also im droppin this stupid fighting drama shit, its now old and fucking pointless so Amber, im dropping it its getting to the point where its fucking retarted and ill try not to be a major asshole of you just need to ask me something or someshit

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11:43AM

JOE- i am back from tennessee, i NEED to talk to you, its VERY important...call me on sams cell as soon as you can!

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10:46AM

well hmm for some reason my password for AIM is changed.........the only person that knows it is ashley. So ashley- if you fucking chnaged my password im gonna kill you. you better get it back you fuckin bitch.

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11:19PM - HAHA!

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1:11PM - To Joe:

Well, I could certainly be very mean about this right now and make you sound like a horrible person, but i wont do that. why? Because i did love you. i wouldd never try to hurt someone or say the things you said about me to someone i once loved. You gave me a great 7 months, and i thank you for that. no matter what you do to me, i will never hate you. i will never make you feel like crap or anything like that. ill treat you as someone who i loved and possibly always will. ill move on from you. ill go out with other people. but i know deep down inside i will always love you. maybe not the same way i did at one time. but i could never fully forget about you. maybe what i was doing to you the past month seemed like me playing games. but it wasnt. at all. i needed time to think things through and you didnt wanna give me that time. do you ever think of the things you did to me? like one minute say "sam i hate you you fucking bitch you should kill yourself" and then a inute later " i love you, we should go back out please" if thats not playing games, i dont know what is. we were BOTH wrong in this scenario, but at last i can admit it. you hurt me so much, and i dont think i deserved it. i did not hurt you NEARLY as much as you hurt me. think about all the things you said to me. think about everything you have been putting me through the past month. i have been skiping school so i dont have to see you. so i dont have to deal with the pain you put me through. you hurt me enough. now i would appreciate it if you didnt call me to "bitch" me out anymore. i love you joe. im sorry for what i did. and im waiting for the day your sorry for what you did. and thanks for everything we had.

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9:33PM

okay....i hate when my best friend is never there for me, but when she wants me to be there for her i always am. whenever she comes to me with problems, i always help her the best i can. but whenever i come to her with problems, she could care less. then theres the fact that she always ditched me for her boyfriend, but its not okay when i dont hangout with her a day when hes not around. yes, i understand she has problems, but has she ever cared that i have problems? nope. and if i am gonna be there for someone, i wanna be there for them all the time, not jsut when they dont have the person they want around. ive been hurt by my friends so many times, but does she think of it in my perspective ever? no...and im not gonna sit there and wait aorund for her to have free time...im gonna get on with my life, and when she really wants me around like she does now, shell regret ever ditching me for her boyfriend. im not the one at fault here, im not gonna be taken advantage of like that. i care about her a lot, but i cant stand being used. if you wanna be my firned, be my friend all the time....dont just call me when you have a problem or arent busy.
(ashley, that was for you)
I love ya, but when you wanna actually talk to me about this and look at things in my eyes, call me.

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10:39PM - JOE!

joe- when i talk to you, you got a lot of explaining to you. Im so mad at you!

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8:22PM - TO AMBER:

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11:04AM - Call me beep me if you wanna reach me!

This week in school went by so fast. It was awesome going to school at 10 those 3 days! So Monday i forgot what i did. it doesnt matter anyways. Tuesday I went to joes house. That was fun as usual! Wednesday was the best day ever, only because of the morning. but it doesnt matter why. Thursday i went to Ashleys house. We didnt really do anything. Just talked and watched tv and stuff i guess. Then on Friday, me joe and ashley went and saw MEAN GIRLS! it was a very good movie! I liked it a lot! excpet for the fact that during the whole movie we were surronded by a bunch of stupid annoying girls! But it was okay! Now today, i wanna go see William Hung or whatever at Oakland mall, just for fun....i hope that happens!
I LOVE JOE!!!

Current mood: content

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6:25AM - Blah...

Well its 630 am and im up early for school so i decided to write. This weekend was pretty boring. Friday i sat home with joe. then he left, so i sat home by myself. Saturday joe came over. Then he left and i went shopping with my mum and out ot eat. The food at Gradys was GREAT! Then i came home watched Mona Lisa Smile (which was boring) and Uptown Girls...cute movie. Then on sunday i went to joes. that was the only good part of this weekend. So pretty much this weekend SUCKED!

Current mood: happy

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8:27PM - its been AWHILE!

Well,I think i am gonna start updating this thing so like a year from now i can go look back to all the things i did that i wrote about....hmm....a lot has been happening since the last time i updated...im hanging out with ashley now a lot...THATS AWESOME! I have been with Joe for about 6 and a half months now, thats GREAT too! I dont really hangout with amber that much..thats also a plus! because i dont have someone putting me down CONSTANTLY. But anyways, over the break i hungout with joe a lot and ashley a lot too and sam head a few times. Joe stayed at my house for the weekend, that was cool. But i have pretty much been just hanging out with friends. its been fun though! Today i went to joes! we watched tv and stuff....i had a very good time! Thats about it thought!

Current mood: cheerful

Current music: Kid Rock- Feel like making love

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12:55AM

JOE- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

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8:04PM

well, cinderella.....i was hoping to have a very good time. but for some reason i think things will get all screwed up and i wont end up having as much fun as i hope. all the plans we are making sound fun, but who knows what we are really gonna do. Plus, i have absolutely no monney. im trying to get some money together so i can actually like maybe buy a dress and get my hair done and stuff. But i wont have very much money, so i dont know how well thats gonna turn out. Ill end up having to buy some 10 dollar dress that i normally wouldnt be caught dead in but i have to wear cause its the only one i can afford. i sure hope that doest happen. and if my mom wasnt so gay and would just let me have MY 130 dollars i could be set. but no, thats way to much to ask. like my grandmas gave me that money so i could just have it sit around and not ever spend it. oh well, hopefully i figure something out so i can pay for the cinderella necessities. Well, either way, im going with joe(obviously) so i know no matter what, i will have a good time. I LOVE HIM!

I need someone who knows what is going on for that night to let me know, so i know what kinda junk im gonna have to gather up some money for!

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7:09PM - JOE GERLING!!!!!

joseph james(?) gerling.......

IM HOLDING YOUR HOODIE HOSTAGE!(your cradle of filth one) until i need to put the smell back into it.....

love you!

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8:15PM

well, today i have been siting home all day. bored. and when i sit home alone all day, i have nothing to do but think basically. so i have been thinking and i have some things to say to a few people.

Amber- okay, well me and you have gotten into a few agruments lately, you know what im talking about. and i think some of the things i said and how i made some things sound made it seem like i dont care about you all that much and only miss my old friends and your basically a replacement. Well thats not true at all. Yes i do miss my old friends, but believe me, i still care about you and have good times with you. you are honestly my best friend. i plan to have as many memories with you as i did with my old friends. I also want you to know that i know right now you are goning through a tough time, and you can talk to me about it. I know exactly what your going through, i have been through it before and am going through it right now. I dont want you to feel like your just being replaced and i dont care, becuase i do, alot. I know we arent on bad terms right now, but i have realized somethings so i had to let you know that i do care about you. You and your whole family are like family to me. I am closer to your family than i am to mine. Usually i cant get close to a friends family that fast, but i guess its because we were friends back in 4th grade till like 8th grade . I really missed you those two years that we were not close and i am so glad we are back to being best friends. I love you!

Joe- Well i know you tell me how you feel about me quite a bit. But i dont really tell you how i feel that often. I want you to know that i am extremely happy with you. I have been saying things i dont mean a lot lately, like saying things are done, but thats only cause im scared. I have been sorta with you for over a month. Up until now, the longest i have been with a guy was a week and a half. So its kinda scary for me and im beginning to realize what it feels like to really like a guy, becuase you are the first person i have honeslty liked and not just had a "crush" on. And since me and you are not technically going out yet, you may think its never going to happen, but i will come around soon. I have been thinking about that a lot lately and realize it is not fair to you at all. You want more than just seeing someone, and i havent given that to you yet. you shouldnt have to sit around and wait for me to decide we will go out. But believe me, i am really glad you have waited this long.
If you had moved on a long time ago, i would never know how it feels to care about a guy this much. i would not know what its like to be liked so much. Im sorry that i dont realy ever hangout with you alone. As you know, i am nervous about that as well. I know it seems childish for me to be afraid to hangout with just you. But i will admit that when it comes to guys and relationships, i am very childish. Im glad you can put up with it.

well, if anyone at all feels like i am doing somehting wrong, or right or just has somehting to say about anything i just said....comment

-Sam

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5:03PM - Its been awhile!

WELL... lately i have been actually doing things. Usually i sit at ambers all day, we sleep, do nothing. BUT in the past like two weeks i have actaully been doing things. Basically hanging out with people.having a good time. I am seeing joe now! Well i have been for awhile now! and im happy with him! So yea the past two weeks have been a blur kinda. Hanigng out with amber, joe, aaron. some others at times, but i have drank a few times in those weeks. Fun times too! But everytime i got messed up bad thigns happened, first i started crying for no apparent reason and then i got really sick on firday! EW! i puked a lot and it wasnt too pleasent.

but, i have a lot of things on my mind right now. I feel like i dont have many people that actually care about me. its bad enough when i feel like my own family doesnt care about me, but now i feel like some of my freinds dont care to much either. I feel like i am always being treated like crap by some people, im not gonna say names. But i dont think these people realize they are making me feel liek crap, but sometimes i feel like im just there and no one really actually cares. i know there a maybe one or two that do care, but i need to know sometimes that they actually care. i make myself seem like it doesnt bother me when i feel like im being treated bad, but i do. I lost all my really good friends from last year, and now i feel like i have no one. I dont think people realize how unhappy i have been lately. No one really asks meif anythings wrong ever, and i know that i am not the easiet person to ask that too, because i dont really talk about things to anyone, but i just want people to show they care. My life is so messed up right now because of a lot of things. I never act like im upset or mad beuase i dont want people to feel weird around me cause im upset or soemthing, becausei know when im around soemone thats in a bad mood for any reason i always feel bad like being in a good mood cause i dont want to seem like i dont care. But i hate how people think im dumb and i know nothing and im just an immature little girl. But when i act how i act, its cause i am trying to be happy. if people knew somethings about me, you would realize im not really immature at all. WEll everyone can be immature at times, its how everoyne is, people like to have fun, but im not as immature as everyone seems to think. I think some poeple dont really know what immature actually is. But anyways, things like that bother me. I just want people to show they care and not act different towards me when they are with a group of people. Because i have realized that some peopel are really nice to me when its just me and them, but as soon as one more person is around, it seems like they dont care. and that doesnt seem like a very good freindship.

so yea!

Current mood: blah

Current music: all or nothing

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9:12PM

well, its 11 oclock and i am at ambers. shes passed out on her floor in her room next to the garbage can. i just finshed cleaning her house, boys shes lucky i ddint decide to just go to sleep. joe and mike left like an hour or so ago. shes been asking me to call and ask them to come back over, but she fell asleep so its okay.

Current mood: exhausted

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